The finished painting

I present the finished painting.

I am still in shock that I finished, that it was on time, and that I did it exactly how I imagined (minus a couple design differences that I just didn't have time to put in, such as sleeve tattoos). This is the very first oil painting I have ever even come close to completing, and the very first oil portrait I have ever done. This means a lot to me. I even surprised Ryan.

This is for the 10th International LDS Art Competition (deadline: last Friday. I cut it very close--the paint is still wet, hahaha). The theme is "Tell Me The Stories of Jesus". My first thoughts about this theme is the quantity of artwork I have seen portraying characters from Christ's stories, life, and ministry, and how typically they are very abstract to us today--we see these characters in robes and scenes that are completely removed from us. However, the teachings of Christ are more than just sweet stories from 2000 years ago. The people He spoke of and taught and associated with were real people, with real trials, hardships, and mistakes.

I thought of the lady who was dragged in front of Jesus to be judged for adultery, who was taken in the act of sin--in other words, she had been caught in the act of doing something that at the time was punishable by stoning death. When we see artwork depicting her, typically she is shown in a very sympathetic manner--flowing robes, gorgeous flowing hair. We sympathize with her pain and humiliation. However, what would that girl look like if we saw her in today's world? Would we still have compassion and love, as Christ did, or would we be ready to condemn, ignore, and avoid her? Christ did not condone her actions, but He first saw her as a daughter of God, with divine worth that was not diminished or erased by her sins. When we see the social lepers of today's world, the people who are annoying, socially awkward, those who made poor life choices, those who are homeless, do we do as Christ did and show compassion and love first and foremost, or do we do as the Pharisees did--avoiding them like the plague, stoning them with our judgement and condemnation, ignoring them, etc.?
My painting was also greatly influenced by Elder Dallin H Oaks talk from this past falls General Conference, which explained in detail exactly what I chose to paint. https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/10/loving-others-and-living-with-differences?lang=eng

one step at a time

It is hard to do everything, but I have found that I get more done, and my ADD is a little easier to manage, when I have a LOT of things to do--and especially if some of the major things in that list of things to do is engaging and fulfilling. It might take a while though to get things done with having so many things to do...

I have been slowly working on my painting. Any slower and I wouldn't be working on it at all hahahaha. I have been feeling an internal push to paint, but I never seem to be able to fit it in. I would like to do it at work in the evenings, but so far haven't had the opportunity to leave home once I get home for the day.

I busted out my paints today, in my tiny living room, and after failing at color mixing, I turned to the internet for help, again. I can not express my love for the internet enough. I found several articles on color theory that were exactly what I needed, and figured out how to solve my road block. Of course, I am too tired at this point to start painting again for the evening, but I know what to do when I go at it again.

And have I mentioned how messy oil paints are? I managed to get them all over my face without even trying. even on my mouth. I have skills. And, have I mentioned how toxic oil paints are? Hence why I washed my lips down with dawn soap. so fun hahaha.

I went to bed with full intentions of going to sleep... and then Ryan put an idea in my head, which of course was like a domino effect and led to a really good idea for my painting, and now my brain is going and won't stop. I wasn't going to get to sleep unless I figured out the specifics of how my idea would work, so I got onto the computer, opened up my Photoshop, and figured out how to redesign my painting for this new idea. The best part is it will only take some minor tweaking but will result in a better composition, and a clearer message.

I really, really appreciate technology like google and photoshop. It makes me wonder if our ancestors ever get angry at how we take it for granted (I have been assured that people who have gone before us do not get angry, because they are beyond such things, but I still wonder :) ). There is absolutely no excuse not to learn whatever it is you want to learn. When I hit my roadblock tonight, my first thought was to pray for help, hoping the answer would just pop into my head; and then I had the impression come that if I really believed that you could learn anything these days, than why shouldn't I be looking it up on the internet? I felt as if I was being taught a lesson, similar to the brother of Jared in the Book of Mormon. We have been given so much in this day and age, we really do not have any excuses not to further our education as much as we can through personal research, etc.

some of the things I have been working on

This sculpture by Benjamin Victor of Delilah is in my opinion 

the best sculpture I have as of yet seen come through the foundry. I am completely in awe of it every time I walk by it, and am kind of sad to see it be shipped off. 

 I helped in the mold room one day when we didn't have any metal to work on. Actually I spent the week in there. They will often mold in pieces, so that is why he is missing some body parts.

 I am so stinking proud of doing the patina on this piece. my manager had her way of doing it, and the first time I did the piece I did it her way, though I knew it wasn't the best way--and it didn't turn out perfect. The second time around (it is part of a series) I thought a lot about it, and came up with a different way of doing it. My manager was not pleased, and all along the way kept commenting on how I should have done it the other way, thinking that I was completely messing it up. It turned out PERFECT. I have discovered that I do have skill in something, I do have knowledge and understanding beyond the basics in something, and it is a very big confidence boost. I am discovering that although my managers do have more experience in application and "recipes" (they were trained on the job, they are self proclaimed NOT artists--artists drive them crazy... and now they have to work with an artist hahaha), I really do know my stuff when it comes to color, design, composition, value, and all those things you learn in school as well as in years of painting and drawing. 

moments of beauty

We have been blessed with smart, kind, beautiful children. Sometimes I just marvel at the miracle my children are. Sometimes I let Violet fall asleep in my bed with me, and I enjoy holding her close like when she was a baby, and think that these days are so fleeting and someday soon they will be all grown up and I will severely miss this. Between the temper tantrums, and difficult days there are moments of pure beauty. Recently I was struggling with my inadequacies as a parent, and I overheard Ethan proudly telling his friend how his mom was funny and would play with him. I realized that at the end of my life, the greatest compliment I could get from my children wouldn't be that I kept an immaculate home, or that I was super organized, but that I made them feel loved.  It made it a little less of a big deal to me that I struggle in other areas. 

I lost my make-up a couple months back. All of it. We had just returned from a trip, and so it was assumed that I lost it on the trip. I am not a make-up person, I just like being me most days as I am, but I like being able to look extra nice sometimes. So, I finally broke down and bought all new make-up this last week, and even some things I should have bought years ago--like in High School---hahaha. I feel like a grown up. I was so excited to try my new stuff out.


Today we found my missing make-up. Violet had stashed it in the back of her closet, behind toy boxes. It must have happened when we were un-packing. Ryan says it had to have been me, because Violet says she didn't do it, and she is so cute that he believes her. :)


We are currently staying put in our tiny apartment. We keep going back and forth on whether or not to move, and we even found a cute house to rent that would have been perfect, however our desire to be wise and save, and pay of debt, etc. won out. It is hard being a financially responsible adult sometimes, but we keep plugging along. As Ryan says, we are tough! ... or something :)


I emptied my strawberries out of my garden plot today and gave most of them to a friend who has a huge garden. She is going to let me garden with her family next year, instead of me going to the community garden.


I saved one large strawberry plant and planted in it in a hanging planter that is really pretty. I have no idea if it will survive or thrive in our tiny apartment over the winter but we will see. I am finding it very nice to be able to go and buy things we want, that are not complete necessities--like hanging planters, or new make-up, or a cute hat for work--and not stress about it. I am very grateful for Ryan's job. My job is supplemental, and helps towards our saving and paying off debt, and it is definitely educational and interesting being that I am working as a patineur in a bronze foundry, but I am grateful that Ryan has finally been able to get a job that is fulfilling and supports our family.

Tender Mercies

We had a beautiful weekend listening to conference. I started my painting and was happily surprised when Elder Oaks spoke about the concept for my painting in detail--this gave me confidence that I had been inspired on what to paint. We have been greatly blessed, and I have been noticing Heavenly Father's hand in our lives more and more. With each step of the painting I feel inspired as to what to do next. I don't know how to finish it, but as I move forward, I have inspiration as to what to do next. We have also been blessed in Ryan's job, far beyond what we are used to or expect. This weekend we decided we needed to find a bigger place to rent, because this place is just too small. The entire apartment could fit into just the patina room at work :) . And the smell of the turpentine and the toxicity of my oil paints are just not good in a tiny place around kids. Today I found out that we might get to rent the large four bedroom home I did the watering for this last summer. I decided to call and ask how much they were going to rent it for, even though I expected it to be way over our budget, but considering that we would maintain the place including yardwork--meaning they wouldn't have to pay someone-- they are considering renting it to us for what we would get a tinier, moldy place for. It is still expensive, but we expected that if we left our current apartment. so I am happy today.

School

I am anxious about school starting tomorrow. In the past we have looked forward with excitement for school, but this year Ethan has been stressed out about it and not at all eager to go back--which of course causes me to be anxious. Saturday I took him to lunch and then school shopping by myself, and he suddenly opened up and started telling me all of his concerns, as well as his negative memories from last year that he never told me about before. Most of it is simply a result of his misunderstandings of social interactions as well as inability to fully communicate with his peers.

I am grateful that his second grade teacher appears to be absolutely perfect for him, and I am praying and hoping that things will go better than last year. I have an IEP meeting set up for the end of September (they refused to do it sooner) and I will be fully prepared with doctors notes, goals, and our expectations. I was given great advice from several people, the best of which came from a principal of a school for kids with disabilities, and then a parent of a teen with Aspergers. I feel confident things will work out for the best, despite the case worker who I spoke to on Monday who tried to fluff me aside and made it sound like she wanted to take Ethan off of his IEP--which will not happen.

Tonight I am preparing some freezer meals for Ethan to take to school for lunch. I discovered last year that Ethan will not eat the food if he doesn't like it, and most of the time he did not like the school food. He is generally not a picky eater (he eats spicy food that is even too hot for me), but he hated school food most of the time, and there was no forcing him to eat it. I can't blame him, it is pretty yucky in my opinion as well. Ethan informed me that the cafeteria does have a microwave that kids can get help heating their food in, so I decided to make up some enchilada's tonight, and freeze them in portions that I can thaw and put in his lunch box with an ice pack. I'll also freeze the go-gurts so they will stay cold until lunch, and then just include some fruit. Ethan is a VERY hungry kid, he out eats Ryan and me combined, and he does not function well if he is hungry--so I figure this way I can help him perform better at school and help his teacher out by not having him be cranky and un-cooperative from hunger.

I was also thinking tonight, as I was washing dishes and stressing about school and Ethan's development, that I might have Ryan ask the young men at church if any of them would be willing to hang out with Ethan once a week for an hour or so playing soccer or baseball, in order to help him with physical development as well as social skills. The lady I spoke with who had a teen with Aspergers had suggested something like that, and I think it would be a very good thing for Ethan.

I am sure it will all work out, but the night before school starts is always filled with apprehension. Ethan is at least excited about the Captain America thermos I bought him at Old Navy, he keeps telling everyone about it and has repeatedly given me hugs and told me how much he loved me for buying it for him, hahahaha.