A final diagnoses

I took Ethan into Salt Lake on Tuesday for a three hour appointment at the Autism Spectrum Clinic at the University of Utah,  and they diagnosed him with Autism (most people know it as Aspergers, but apparently the scientific community is trying to get away from that title, and instead prefer to say that they register on the autism spectrum). They also think that he additionally does have ADD, but that we just need to try out other medicines (and in very small doses).

I am overwhelmed at the moment with all that we will need to teach him, but it is comforting to know that we can and will do it. Before we had hoped he would eventually pick things up on his own, with some teaching and coaching, but now we know he needs intense instruction done the correct way.

He struggles mainly in the social functioning area, so my biggest concern is bullying--from kids as well as adults. It is inevitable, and has already begun. It makes me happy to know that most adults who have worked one on one with Ethan absolutely love him--what's not to love? He is so sweet and cuddly (it is sweet and funny when he sits next to woman with long hair [so far luckily it has only been family members], leans on them and absent-mindedly plays with their hair. it often takes them by surprise), and he is happy and endearing. His laugh is so contagious.

However, there have been some adults who treat him like he is a bad kid, a nuisance, or deficient as a result of what we now know is autism. Some have even treated him like he was slow in intelligence, or mentally handicapped.

I love my sister Heather, because her response to that is the best, "you shouldn't treat anyone that way, even kids who ARE mentally handicapped". EXACTLY!! There are also kids who are starting to pick up on the strange things he does, and have begun being mean or excluding him as a result.

So, my goals are that I'm going to write down a list of everything he struggles with, and put it in order of priority.

Off the top of my head, friends and speech therapy are at the top of the list.

The psychologist told me she felt that the speech people at school needed to stop focusing on pronunciation, and work more on sentence structure and grammar--so that he can carry on conversations with adults and peers. He has come a long way in speech, however he still struggles with communicating, and most adults and peers can not understand him very well. It is very frustrating for him wanting to communicate and not being able to.

I have also decided I am going to do everything in my power to get him a group of friends, just by setting up different play dates throughout the summer. We don't have room right now in our apartment to have anyone over, but I figured we could do other things like invite several boys to go to the movies, etc.

There are so many little things that are big that go in line with just these two goals, though, like helping Ethan learn social etiquette, personal space, helping him learn adult's and kid's names, etc. (It took him until the end of the school year to tell me a couple names of kids in his class, and he still has no clue who is in church class).

I have also started doing P90X every day with him, and he loves it and has been so happy a result. I stop during every exercise and work with him with his balance and coordination, etc. because he really struggles doing basic exercises most kids can do. I plan on working at teaching him how to do sports (he has done sports, but he needs focused instruction), because I think sports offer a chance at friendship and social interaction that he needs.

At least we won't have to worry about them removing him from his IEP like they were going to do in Burley right before we left.

I will be contacting the schools to see what options we have for therapy. I'm also going to make sure his second grade teacher is the best one for him.

I don't know why it takes me by surprise, but I really do find it very interesting to see how each child develops differently from each other even when placed in the same situations and environment. Violet has amazing handwriting, though she has started to get a bit lazy on it since it isn't a challenge. She has even memorized how to write her name, though sometimes the letters are mixed up or sometimes she inserts her own gibberish of lines and squiggles. She has held writing/drawing utensils correctly since the first day she picked one up. She is very interactive with her environment, and such a happy girl. Most of the time she is content as long as she is near me. However, she is three years old and still can not seem to get the numbers in the right order (even just doing 1-3), and she does not know her alphabet. I have started trying to spend more time teaching her, though it is much different than it was with Ethan. Ethan picks everything up the first time you tell him. At this age Ethan would walk around Grandpa Anderson's yard counting flowers. Lately he has started getting into board games, and will play Risk, Monopoly, Ticket to Ride, and other games with Ryan and I, or by himself. Sometimes he plays correctly by himself, other times he makes up his own game. He also excelled at math and reading in school, getting a High to High/Average in both categories. At the same time, though, he still can not hold a pencil, fork, etc. correctly and I have to constantly remind him not to eat with his hands, and his writing is horrible, and he still struggles tying his shoes. And, at Violets age he definitely did not come close to writing his name. He didn't even like drawing or writing at all unless there was a purpose (still the same today). It reinforces in my mind the truth that it doesn't matter what each kid excels at in comparison to other kids, because each kid has their own skills and talents, and as parents and teachers I think we need to recognize and celebrate that more often than we do.

more doctor visits

Ethan had an adverse reaction to his ADD medicine (he has been SUPER emotional lately), and it did not actually help him at all. I have been watching him closely, and researching, and I have realized that I was probably wrong in discounting the autism diagnosis. I had thought that in order to have Autism or Aspergers you had to have the majority of the symptoms, but I guess you can have several of the symptoms and still have it. His doctor thinks it is very likely he has high functioning autism, or Aspergers, rather than ADD, and I think he is right. He said that high functioning Autism actually often looks like ADD and is misdiagnosed as such. I had put off taking him to specialists, because I had wanted to try out the ADD route and see if that was what it was. I will go ahead and get him into a pediatric psychologist in Salt Lake, if I can. I am worried about what this all means, but I know that he is such a sweet, smart boy, and everything will work out.

And.... the poor kid has a dentist appointment tomorrow. His 6 year molars came in with zero enamel on them, probably caused by when he was really sick and had the febral seizures around 14 months old. So, they are rotting and will eventually need to be pulled. The dentist is going in tomorrow to see how bad they are, and if they need to be pulled now or if they can wait. Ethan is not happy about seeing the dentist, because he knows they are going to be giving him shots in the mouth. I'm trying to help him prepare and not be upset and scared, but it isn't working so far. fun stuff.

Pictures

Fishing and picnic trip we took this morning up in the mountains. It was very hard to take pictures of Violet, because she is never still long enough, and she almost always refuses to look at the camera. She was very happy collecting sticks and rocks, and Ethan had fun fishing with Dad. You can click on each picture to see it more clearly.

 

such a good day

Yesterday was such a good day, that I wanted to post about it. It's random things, much like the majority of my blog...

• Ryan called from work to say that since he had been working so hard, and doing much better than even his boss had expected, that he would be getting a significant pay raise. Now we will be able to handle the new medical bills showing up in the mail. I am so proud of him for how hard he works, and I am happy that he has found a job he finds fulfilling.
• I found a job, quite by accident and without intending to get a job. I will be watering a ladies lawn this summer, as they are living in Colorado and trying to sell their home here. They have a nice sized yard with a small creek running through it, a tree house, a waterwheel, park benches, lots of large trees, and they are completely okay with me bringing the kids with me. This is a huge tender mercy. I honestly probably would have done it for free because of how much benefit I will get out of it, but it is nice to get paid. We had been sad about how the kids can't play outside at our apartment, and I just felt horrible about that. I grew up climbing trees, building forts, and constantly being outside and I feel it is necessary for children to have that experience. So, for at least four hours a week all summer long (or until their house sells) I can take them over, they can play to their hearts content, while I set the sprinklers and then draw in my sketchbook or even set up my easel and paint. I am seriously very happy about it.
• I am getting paid $50 a week to water this ladies yard!!! So, that will help pay for our yard in Idaho to be taken care of. This is a huge weight lifted off my mind. Part of the money will also go toward medical bills.
• Last night I was contemplating ideas for a painting I am wanting to do, and with the help of a comment from a friend, and inspiration that I feel came from the spirit, I suddenly found myself with an idea so brilliant, that it will actually provide me with artwork for an entire art show. This is the kind of subject matter and concepts and style that I want to do for a career, and I am seriously in shock at how brilliant of an idea it is. Well, I feel that it is brilliant. And so does Ryan. And my sister Heather, lol. She promised not to steal it for a photo shoot idea, because it would make a seriously awesome photo series. I have made the decision not to give out details on the painting, because then I obsess and overly question myself, and have others critique it etc., to the point of never completing it. So, I will spend the next several years (it will honestly take that long) developing this series of paintings, and when it is all completed I plan on finding an agent and getting my work in a show. If I can pull off the work like I see it in my mind, this will honestly be career changing. One of the paintings will be entered into the international church contest this fall, so if it makes it in everyone will get a sneak peak at my series. I'm so stinkin excited. Now I just need to find myself models...
• I FOUND MY MEDICINE!!! well, technically Ryan found it. It had rolled out of my purse and under the seat in his car. I remember thinking I needed to check under the seats... but of course promptly forgot to do so. I also found the prescription for when this medicine runs out.

So, seriously this all happened in ONE day. Out of the blue. I felt overwhelmed with gratitude at the tender mercies, because I had been struggling lately with sadness and anxiety, and home sickness for our home and friends in Idaho. I had a hard week, when I had started to move to a different apartment only to find out that the landlord and the owner of the building were not communicating with each other, and the owner had someone else sign papers to move into that apartment. I went from excitement at getting out of a dark, moldy basement into an apartment with tons of light--to never mind, back to the basement we go. And that was after I had scrubbed that new apartment down with bleach, vacuumed, and moved a lot of our stuff up.  I have hope today though, and I am optimistic about the future. And I am seriously so incredibly excited about these paintings hahahaha.

I made it

I am so proud of myself, I got through the entire P90x program. And it was/is hard. I have to modify, but I have been really pushing myself to do the entire workout whenever possible, or something as close to it when I can't do what they want. For example, I can't do one-handed push-ups, so I do planking (with pauses every so often cause I can't plank for that long) during that part of the workout. And I've lost 12 lbs! I will start the thing all over again starting Monday, and we will see if it is possible to get rid of my post-baby tummy. I still have about 3-4 lbs to lose, but even more than weight loss I want to be stronger and more in shape than I ever have been... which isn't hard since I've always been scrawny and pretty weak... I was the kid that broke my arm from losing my balance (with the help of someone else) and falling in my bedroom, which was carpeted, two years in a row. Exercise won't really make a difference with my brittle bones, but it is helping in other areas. I took before and after pictures, but I don't really want to post them, though I might if I can actually get rid of my post-baby tummy just to show it's possible.

putting the milk in the cupboard type moment

You know one of the things that sucks the most about having ADD? Losing the expensive medicine that is supposed to help you not lose/forget things. Obviously the medicine wasn't working, at least not on that front. It was sort of helping with focus--iv'e been getting more accomplished. I made it 2 or 3 weeks of putting it immediately in my purse after taking it. Then one day last week I got distracted somewhere between the kitchen and my purse,  and I do not even remember getting distracted, or what I did with the medicine. *sigh* I have looked everywhere.  We are moving upstairs to a different apartment the next couple of weeks so I am hoping that it will be found. And that I didn't absent-mindedly throw it away.  Because I could see myself doing something like that. I told the doctor today, when we were there for Ethan's appointment,  and he seemed to find it pretty funny. You gotta admit that it is pretty funny asking a person with ADD to not lose or forget to take meds that help them not lose or forget things.